well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
