is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
