i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
