about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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