Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
