She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
