Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
