I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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