why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
