Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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