I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
