I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
