im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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