We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
