You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
