I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
