my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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