Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
