What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
