I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
