i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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