We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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