Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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