I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
