Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
