there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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