Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
