last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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