Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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