if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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