How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
