come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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