i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
