just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I will be naked everywhere
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
