She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
