i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
