Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
