Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
