I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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