i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
