I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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