ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
i out mim tonsoeep
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
