hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
