I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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