Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
