I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
