I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
