I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
