but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
