he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
