She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
