Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
