didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
