There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
